What a memory should be:
Memory: 1. the mental capacity or faculty of retaining and reviving facts, events, impressions, etc., or of recalling or recognizing previous experiences.
2. this faculty as possessed by a particular individual: to have a good memory.
3. the act or fact of retaining and recalling impressions, facts, etc.; remembrance; recollection: to draw from memory.
4. the length of time over which recollection extends: a time within the memory of living persons.
5. a mental impression retained; a recollection: one's earliest memories.
6. the reputation of a person or thing, esp. after death; fame: a ruler of beloved memory.
7. the state or fact of being remembered.
8. a person, thing, event, fact, etc., remembered.
9. commemorative remembrance; commemoration: a monument in memory of Columbus.
10. the ability of certain materials to return to an original shape after deformation.
While some memories are worth having, keeping and recalling; some should just stay lost in the junk drawer of my mind. But recalling old times has become increasingly difficult. Ever since my accident in 2004 my memory hasn't been the same. On top of not getting all of my memory back, it seems the memories I did have are getting harder to hold on to. Some would argue that memory loss just comes with age but I'm only 28...it's different with me, it's not old age just yet that's robbing me of my memories.
Most people are afraid of growing old and dying or just fear death all together. I, however, don't really fear death at all. No point in fearing what you have no control over but I do fear growing old and getting lost in my own mind. Getting Alzheimer's or Dementia is a bigger fear of mine than getting any other illness. You know, I actually don't mind the idea of getting old. There's a beauty in aging, the elderly are an untapped resource of knowledge. But with that being said, sometimes with age comes sickness and pain and all of that I will gladly welcome along with the wrinkles, odd sagging, age spots and white hair as long as I can keep my mind, my sanity...my memories.
Ever since I could write, I've kept a journal. Granted some of the stuff I wrote about at age 10 or so is extremely hilarious and trivial but it's comforting to be able to go back and read the little moments and people I have forgotten about. Reading those journals is how I thought to find some people on Facebook.
My mom has this wonderful habit of putting me on the spot with people. "Tiffany this is blah blah. Remember?" Then I'll turn all shades of red as my mind draws a complete blank on who or what I'm apparently supposed to remember. I also hate having conversations that involve tons of names that sound familiar but no matter how hard I try I can't recall a face. I get so fixated on the names that I forget the person that's talking and mentally beat myself up trying my hardest to remember.
But what really tops it all in the embarrassing frustrations of memory department, is when I'm out in public and I run into someone that knows me but my mind doesn't know them anymore. Nothing is more damaging to the ego then going up to someone that you think should remember you and having them not know at all who you are. So, like the good person I try so hard to be, I nod, give hugs, fake sentiments and pray to God that they don't go too deep and ask something I can't answer. After having this happen to me oh, about a million times no matter where I went, it became easier to just become the person that didn't like to leave the house. I catch a lot of hell for basically becoming a hermit because sadly enough people just don't believe me or they don't understand how seriously depressing it is to be 28 and have the recollection abilities of an 82 year old. This is one reason I'm such an obsessive picture taker. My hopes are that in the years to come, these fleeting moments caught in a picture will help me remember what I may have forgotten.
I can recall everything about the day of my accident as if it had just happened. It's unnerving to be able to remember the moment/incident that started the chain of memory loss..........the one moment I'd like so much to forget.
What upsets me the most is to know that in a few years these early moments and memories with Xander are going to start getting blurry and some memories may fade away altogether.
Ever since I could write, I've kept a journal. Granted some of the stuff I wrote about at age 10 or so is extremely hilarious and trivial but it's comforting to be able to go back and read the little moments and people I have forgotten about. Reading those journals is how I thought to find some people on Facebook.
My mom has this wonderful habit of putting me on the spot with people. "Tiffany this is blah blah. Remember?" Then I'll turn all shades of red as my mind draws a complete blank on who or what I'm apparently supposed to remember. I also hate having conversations that involve tons of names that sound familiar but no matter how hard I try I can't recall a face. I get so fixated on the names that I forget the person that's talking and mentally beat myself up trying my hardest to remember.
But what really tops it all in the embarrassing frustrations of memory department, is when I'm out in public and I run into someone that knows me but my mind doesn't know them anymore. Nothing is more damaging to the ego then going up to someone that you think should remember you and having them not know at all who you are. So, like the good person I try so hard to be, I nod, give hugs, fake sentiments and pray to God that they don't go too deep and ask something I can't answer. After having this happen to me oh, about a million times no matter where I went, it became easier to just become the person that didn't like to leave the house. I catch a lot of hell for basically becoming a hermit because sadly enough people just don't believe me or they don't understand how seriously depressing it is to be 28 and have the recollection abilities of an 82 year old. This is one reason I'm such an obsessive picture taker. My hopes are that in the years to come, these fleeting moments caught in a picture will help me remember what I may have forgotten.
I can recall everything about the day of my accident as if it had just happened. It's unnerving to be able to remember the moment/incident that started the chain of memory loss..........the one moment I'd like so much to forget.
What upsets me the most is to know that in a few years these early moments and memories with Xander are going to start getting blurry and some memories may fade away altogether.
But for now, I'll cherish the memories I have and create wonderful new ones every day and if the day comes when I can no longer recall my memories, I can smile because in my heart I'll know that they are out there in someone else's mind and thought I can't recall them I hope that it's a memory so amazing that they can't help but smile when they think of it.
Here are a few of my fun old memories:
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