When I was younger, I believed the books I read held magic between the pages. When I read my imagination came alive and played every book I read like a movie inside my head.
I rummaged through all the books on the school shelves until I had read almost all the ones that interested me. I used to ride my bike uptown to North State Books (without my parents permission...because that was half the fun) and I would lose myself between the stacks searching for that one book or books (depending on how much money I had saved and was burning to spend) that stood out and seemed to call my attention the most, like it was calling out to me. (cheesy, I know) I would search until I found that book that would basically scream my name as I neared it.
It was in that book store that I discovered the real story of Peter Pan making it one of my favorite books then and now. It was there in that book store that I came across a book that on the outside looked simple and boring with nothing but a blue cover with Pride and Prejudice printed in silver on the cover. I'll admit I only bought it because I wanted to walk out of there feeling like a little smarty pants but it turned out to be one of my best purchases. I was only 10 and had to look up every other word in the dictionary and every place mentioned in the encyclopedia...and I still barely understood what was going on. But I finished the book knowing it was a love story and I reread it a few months later. Though I still had to look things up and hardly understood the story, I grew to love the book and it's still my favorite. I continued to reread this book until the day it all made sense (YEARS later of course)
Reading that book sparked my interest in the classics and added a new determination to my reading. My next classic was Jane Eyre. After that, Wuthering Heights, The Catcher in The Rye and Moby Dick. All books I barely understand the first (and second and third) time I read them but came to love over the years. I kept it simple as well with books like The Chronicles of Narnia, The Hobbit, A Wrinkle in Time, Huckleberry Finn, Tom Sawyer and a little Dr. Seuss and some R.L. Stine.
My point is kids today don't read like they should. As much as I dislike the whole Nook and Kindle deal (I prefer a real book in my hands...I think having the book plays a big part in the magic of the book/story) if they get kids and some adults reading again and out from in front of the TV and video games then so be it. If it weren't for high school English classes forcing the students to read certain classics, I'm sure they'd know nothing about them otherwise. But I guess they can always google it and get the plot summary.............the generation of short cuts.
Books have always played an important roll in my life and always will. No matter how hard life gets I can always pick up my favorite book(s) and know there will be a happy ending waiting somewhere between "Once upon a time..." and "The end". My books are dependable when the world isn't.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
If the world ended...
Sorry to disappoint, but this isn't going to be a "if the world ended would you be ready to meet your maker" kind of blog entry. This is actually just a easy thought provoking little piece. 
With all the hoopla lately about the world ending and what-not, I thought I'd do a top 10 list of things I'd miss if the world, in fact, did end sometime in the near future. It's obvious and should go without saying that family and friends are at the top of any list even if they don't appear.
5. Autumn. In my opinion Autumn is the best time of year. Not just because of the weather, my birthday or Halloween but also because Autumn just feels like being wrapped up in a comfy blanket. This time of year triggers something nostalgic inside of me.
With all the hoopla lately about the world ending and what-not, I thought I'd do a top 10 list of things I'd miss if the world, in fact, did end sometime in the near future. It's obvious and should go without saying that family and friends are at the top of any list even if they don't appear.
- The smell of Lavender. It makes me feel light, happy and pretty. I can't help but smile when I see lavender and especially when I smell it.
2. Food! All kinds of food. I'm not one of those girls that's a picky eater and eats less than a starving bird. What can I say, I like my food.
3. Music. But not music from those that think they have to be a gimmick to be any good...you know, the Lady Gaga types. I'm talking about the music that moves every molecule in your body when you listen to it and you can't help but feel moved and be moved by it. Music that pulls out lost memories (good or bad). The kind of music that you can feel in your soul and when you hear it, it's like it was written for you.
4. Flowers. Just seeing flowers makes me happy. Mother Nature's means of decorations. Except for roses...I don't care too much for them.
ESPECIALLY DAISIES....THEY'RE MY FAV!!!
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| daisies |
5. Autumn. In my opinion Autumn is the best time of year. Not just because of the weather, my birthday or Halloween but also because Autumn just feels like being wrapped up in a comfy blanket. This time of year triggers something nostalgic inside of me.
6. The Ocean. I wanted to be a Marine biologist when I was little and could barely even spell it. Though that career dream fizzled out I never lost the passion and fascination I have for "the big blue". The salty sea air, sand between my toes, the way it seems to stretch out to the ends of the earth, the power behind one little wave and the undiscovered things that lie at it's bottom and the unknown creatures that inhabit it's deepest depths.
7. My Rainbow flip flops...it's simple, I love them and wear them year round!
8. Books. Actual books and not that Nook and Kindle CRAP!!!
9. Thunderstorms. The regular ones that don't contain warnings of tornado's or flooding. It's kind of a small adrenaline rush to be surrounded by thunder and lightening. If it's your basic thunderstorm and you don't have to fear for your life, the show is amazing! There's a silence before every storm that most don't notice and that in itself is captivating. The world goes silent...the birds go away, the air is still and the clouds silently roll in. The power behind each "boom" of thunder and the dazzling sizzle behind each dangerous strike of lightening it absolutely breathtaking if you take the time to really look at it. It's a real reminder of how powerful other forces in this world are....it's a small glimpse of just how powerful God is.
10. LOVE. There is no emotion more intoxicating than love. Love seems to be the source of every other emotion we have if you think about it. The power of love is a powerful thing indeed. It's makes people act like fools...it makes moms pick up car...it leaves us crying and wanting while at the same time it can make us feel happy and whole. Wars are fought over ones love of religion, power, money, etc... But boy oh boy there is no greater rush or feeling than loving or being loved.
Well, I don't know if these 10 things are the things I'll miss the MOST but they would certainly be missed a great deal.
So, what would you miss????????????????
Sunday, January 30, 2011
"WHAT IF"
Everyone loves to take out their old pictures and look through them at the horrible hair styles, clothes, ex-significant others, friends and just the many good times that a photograph can capture. There's nothing much more intoxicating than being nostalgic. You get to looking at those photos and start thinking about the "what if" and "remember when" and before you know it you're lost in the memories crammed into the back of your mind. Since I love to write, I have tons of journals to sift through to go with these photographs and reading these are just as much fun as looking at pictures. All the crushes, fights, dramatic moments are just so funny to look back on.
We have all heard the question "If you could go back in time and do things differently, would you?" So, would you? Most people are quick to answer with the easy unimaginative cliched response of "No, my past has made me who I am today." Yeah, even I give that answer from time to time and while that IS true (for the most part) it's also a lie.
We all know that if by some freak time warp accident (it's just a jump to the left...oh wait, that's a different time warp. :D ) we woke up to find it was 10/20/30 years later than it was when we went to sleep (after the initial freak out) we would all be plotting and thinking wildly of what to change first!
-Would you still date that guy/girl even though you know how horribly it's going to end?
-Would you choose the same friends? Even the ones that ended up never being there when you desperately needed them?
-Would you study more and party less or party more and study less?
-Would you go for that drive/run/walk even though you know a life changing accident awaits you?
-Would you take the risks you were too worried about taking the first time around?
-would you make yourself rich by betting on winning games or historical moments. OR by stealing that movie/TV/song idea that doesn't come out for years. (after all, it's not technically stealing if it hasn't been thought of yet...right?)
-Would you make an effort to put yourself on the line to try and stop tragic events from happening (9/11, school shootings, bombings, kidnappings...etc...)?------> I know it's a stretch but again I'm only hypothetically speaking here.
-Get even with a bully?
-Spend more time with someone that has passed?
-Still get that horrible haircut/perm/dye job?
-Cheat?
-Tell that little lie that turns out to be a big deal?
The mistakes we make in life can be fun at times but I know there are a few things I would change if I could and there are a few big moments I would keep the same (no matter the outcome). If the path I'm on now is that path I'm meant to be on then it doesn't matter what I would or wouldn't change or do differently. So why not have a little fun if you have a 2nd chance?
*I'd still let my 1st love break my heart.
*I'd still fall head over heels for that guy I met in another country even though I know I'll probably never see him again.
*I'd say "I don't" instead of "I do". Not to be mean but really, do you know how much of a pain in the ass it is to change your name on EVERYTHING and then a year or so later have to change back your name on EVERYTHING?
*I'd still take that crappy job in Belmont that had me working with God's joke of a human being because I found a good friend while working there. Plus I had insurance while I was pregnant. :-)
*There are a few people I would never become friends with in high school and after because it was nothing but a waste of time and energy to be friends with these people when in the end I was only getting punched in the gut or stabbed in the back. (eye roll)
*I wouldn't go for that jog...so that I would never lose some of my memories. (although this was my eye opener on how crooked our justice system is)
There's a list a mile long (probably) of things I would and wouldn't change if I woke to find myself in the past. And though "you have to know the past to understand the present" Dr. Carl Sagan, the future is still wide open for interpretation so there's really no point in dwelling on the changes that could have been made only on the changes that can be made.
So, while your past may have helped make you who you are today, ultimately it's YOU that has made you who you are through a series of different choices we are presented along the way. The wonderful thing about having a path in life is that even when you stray from that path it's always going to be there waiting for you to find your way back.
So, if you could leap to the past would you erase the bad memories and linger on the good ones or do you truly think those bad memories are what's shaping your future? I choose to believe only the good ones make me who I am but it's impossible to forget the bad...(in most cases).
The past is fun to look back on and fondly say "remember when" but thinking about the "what if" will only drive you nuts! I'm happy right where I'm at.
"You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present." Jan Glidewell
We have all heard the question "If you could go back in time and do things differently, would you?" So, would you? Most people are quick to answer with the easy unimaginative cliched response of "No, my past has made me who I am today." Yeah, even I give that answer from time to time and while that IS true (for the most part) it's also a lie.
We all know that if by some freak time warp accident (it's just a jump to the left...oh wait, that's a different time warp. :D ) we woke up to find it was 10/20/30 years later than it was when we went to sleep (after the initial freak out) we would all be plotting and thinking wildly of what to change first!
-Would you still date that guy/girl even though you know how horribly it's going to end?
-Would you choose the same friends? Even the ones that ended up never being there when you desperately needed them?
-Would you study more and party less or party more and study less?
-Would you go for that drive/run/walk even though you know a life changing accident awaits you?
-Would you take the risks you were too worried about taking the first time around?
-would you make yourself rich by betting on winning games or historical moments. OR by stealing that movie/TV/song idea that doesn't come out for years. (after all, it's not technically stealing if it hasn't been thought of yet...right?)
-Would you make an effort to put yourself on the line to try and stop tragic events from happening (9/11, school shootings, bombings, kidnappings...etc...)?------> I know it's a stretch but again I'm only hypothetically speaking here.
-Get even with a bully?
-Spend more time with someone that has passed?
-Still get that horrible haircut/perm/dye job?
-Cheat?
-Tell that little lie that turns out to be a big deal?
The mistakes we make in life can be fun at times but I know there are a few things I would change if I could and there are a few big moments I would keep the same (no matter the outcome). If the path I'm on now is that path I'm meant to be on then it doesn't matter what I would or wouldn't change or do differently. So why not have a little fun if you have a 2nd chance?
*I'd still let my 1st love break my heart.
*I'd still fall head over heels for that guy I met in another country even though I know I'll probably never see him again.
*I'd say "I don't" instead of "I do". Not to be mean but really, do you know how much of a pain in the ass it is to change your name on EVERYTHING and then a year or so later have to change back your name on EVERYTHING?
*I'd still take that crappy job in Belmont that had me working with God's joke of a human being because I found a good friend while working there. Plus I had insurance while I was pregnant. :-)
*There are a few people I would never become friends with in high school and after because it was nothing but a waste of time and energy to be friends with these people when in the end I was only getting punched in the gut or stabbed in the back. (eye roll)
*I wouldn't go for that jog...so that I would never lose some of my memories. (although this was my eye opener on how crooked our justice system is)
There's a list a mile long (probably) of things I would and wouldn't change if I woke to find myself in the past. And though "you have to know the past to understand the present" Dr. Carl Sagan, the future is still wide open for interpretation so there's really no point in dwelling on the changes that could have been made only on the changes that can be made.
So, while your past may have helped make you who you are today, ultimately it's YOU that has made you who you are through a series of different choices we are presented along the way. The wonderful thing about having a path in life is that even when you stray from that path it's always going to be there waiting for you to find your way back.
So, if you could leap to the past would you erase the bad memories and linger on the good ones or do you truly think those bad memories are what's shaping your future? I choose to believe only the good ones make me who I am but it's impossible to forget the bad...(in most cases).
The past is fun to look back on and fondly say "remember when" but thinking about the "what if" will only drive you nuts! I'm happy right where I'm at.
"You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present." Jan Glidewell
Friday, December 31, 2010
A happy NEW year to all
Every year on this day, I come up with a list of resolutions I try so hard to keep after the new year. For the first month or so, I'm able to keep those resolutions and I feel really proud of myself. But then the lazy bug kicks in or the procrastination virus catches and I slowly start to fail. Then slowly I start to feel like a failure and due to this lingering feeling of not measuring up to my own expectations, I become completely discouraged and totally give up. Sure I can make a list of shallow changes I want to make and a list of cliches I'd like to do but practicality is important and I'm keeping mine in check. This year (What's left of it) I've decided I will make NO New Years resolutions and I will just be. There are things in my mind that I want to do and change and if I am able to do and change these things then that will be great, if not then I won't have an unfinished list staring back at me in disappointment.
A new year is a new canvas but it doesn't wipe the slate completely clean. No matter what we do or how hard we try to shake the previous years, we will always be dragging them behind us like a ball and chain. Here is where we can choose to continue to drag it behind us letting it slow us down or we can place that ball and chain on some wheels and let is glide beside us.
I've never been much of an optimist and I'm not a total pessimist, I'm an Idealist with a realistic world perspective. I'm going to live this year to come to the best of my ability and make the most of every day. I'm going to continue to cherish the little moments that keep me going and hold on to the big moments that make me feel alive. I'm going to hug and kiss my son every day and tell the people I hold dear how much I love them through my words and actions.
I'm throwing out the list and going into 2011 with blind expectations.
IN 2011 I'M GOING TO LIVE!!!!!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Family...NOTHING is more important.
As the year comes to a close and we are thrust into the Christmas season torn between what our individual hearts tell us the holiday is all about and what the manufacturers want us to think (buy buy buy)
I can't help but feel a bit nostalgic and ponder on my favorite thing...the things I'm thankful for-----> my family! There is NOTHING more important than your own family.
Yep, in this post I will be contributing to the holiday cheese factor.
It's no secret that, despite Thanksgiving and Christmas, this is NOT my favorite time of year. The grass dies, the trees are stripped of their leaves and forced to watch as they wilt and rot on the ground below, the sun seems to hide away occasionally sending down dull rays that can barely warm us on the coldest of days. Color is washed away and we are left with dull greens, browns, and if we're "lucky" a little white.
Sparkling white lights go up and it seems as if God himself dumped a bucket of stars on the earth to help brighten the dullness around us.
Mixed in with the white lights, is a vast mixture of colored lights that appeal to the child in us all, bright green garland, magnificent red bows and Christmas trees...each one unique.
The smell of juicy pines fill the air outside as well as in. Inside, the new aroma of apples, cinnamon, ginger and at times sugar cookies also soars through the air caressing our senses and wrapping us in comfort and familiarity. The fireplaces are lit and the stockings are hung and the Christmas trees are surrounded by lavishly wrapped gifts with dainty bows to match. Tucked away gently in a serene corner of the house is the manger scene for which many believe is "the reason for the season". (comment not meant to devalue or insult any other religion or person belief. *sigh*)
Beyond it all, one thing that ALL people can agree on is that this is a time for family, friends, loving and giving and being together! My family and extended family means the world to me. Without them I'd fall apart and I truly wouldn't be who I am.
My brothers are my protectors and my confidants. I know they will have my back if and when I need them. I know that I can always tell them my secrets and bare my soul and they'll never judge me.
My mom isn't only my mom. She's my friend, my sister, my partner in crime. She'll always try her best to make sure I do and look my best. She's my stylist in life and I know she'll never steer me wrong.
My dad gave me my greatest gift, my love for writing and respect for books. He has taught me to be slow to use my words but quick to listen to the world around me.
My Philip, my Sparky, is my soul mate. He keeps me on my toes and loves me despite all my many flaws and he loves my family despite their many flaws and never pushes them away. What more can I say, I just love him so.
Last but definitely not least is my baby boy.
He is my heart and soul, my reason for living. So, on Christmas day while I'm watching his happy little face take in his new toys surrounded by the people that love him most, the shining lights and the many comforting scents that fill the air and connect with our memories, I'm going to relish the moment. I'm going to try my best to remember every single little detail on his and my entire families faces and hold them in my heart.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Memories, LOST in the corner of my mind...
This entry is very personal and about something most people don't know about me.
What a memory should be:
Memory: 1. the mental capacity or faculty of retaining and reviving facts, events, impressions, etc., or of recalling or recognizing previous experiences.
What a memory should be:
Memory: 1. the mental capacity or faculty of retaining and reviving facts, events, impressions, etc., or of recalling or recognizing previous experiences.
2. this faculty as possessed by a particular individual: to have a good memory.
3. the act or fact of retaining and recalling impressions, facts, etc.; remembrance; recollection: to draw from memory.
4. the length of time over which recollection extends: a time within the memory of living persons.
5. a mental impression retained; a recollection: one's earliest memories.
6. the reputation of a person or thing, esp. after death; fame: a ruler of beloved memory.
7. the state or fact of being remembered.
8. a person, thing, event, fact, etc., remembered.
9. commemorative remembrance; commemoration: a monument in memory of Columbus.
10. the ability of certain materials to return to an original shape after deformation.
While some memories are worth having, keeping and recalling; some should just stay lost in the junk drawer of my mind. But recalling old times has become increasingly difficult. Ever since my accident in 2004 my memory hasn't been the same. On top of not getting all of my memory back, it seems the memories I did have are getting harder to hold on to. Some would argue that memory loss just comes with age but I'm only 28...it's different with me, it's not old age just yet that's robbing me of my memories.
Most people are afraid of growing old and dying or just fear death all together. I, however, don't really fear death at all. No point in fearing what you have no control over but I do fear growing old and getting lost in my own mind. Getting Alzheimer's or Dementia is a bigger fear of mine than getting any other illness. You know, I actually don't mind the idea of getting old. There's a beauty in aging, the elderly are an untapped resource of knowledge. But with that being said, sometimes with age comes sickness and pain and all of that I will gladly welcome along with the wrinkles, odd sagging, age spots and white hair as long as I can keep my mind, my sanity...my memories.
Ever since I could write, I've kept a journal. Granted some of the stuff I wrote about at age 10 or so is extremely hilarious and trivial but it's comforting to be able to go back and read the little moments and people I have forgotten about. Reading those journals is how I thought to find some people on Facebook.
My mom has this wonderful habit of putting me on the spot with people. "Tiffany this is blah blah. Remember?" Then I'll turn all shades of red as my mind draws a complete blank on who or what I'm apparently supposed to remember. I also hate having conversations that involve tons of names that sound familiar but no matter how hard I try I can't recall a face. I get so fixated on the names that I forget the person that's talking and mentally beat myself up trying my hardest to remember.
But what really tops it all in the embarrassing frustrations of memory department, is when I'm out in public and I run into someone that knows me but my mind doesn't know them anymore. Nothing is more damaging to the ego then going up to someone that you think should remember you and having them not know at all who you are. So, like the good person I try so hard to be, I nod, give hugs, fake sentiments and pray to God that they don't go too deep and ask something I can't answer. After having this happen to me oh, about a million times no matter where I went, it became easier to just become the person that didn't like to leave the house. I catch a lot of hell for basically becoming a hermit because sadly enough people just don't believe me or they don't understand how seriously depressing it is to be 28 and have the recollection abilities of an 82 year old. This is one reason I'm such an obsessive picture taker. My hopes are that in the years to come, these fleeting moments caught in a picture will help me remember what I may have forgotten.
I can recall everything about the day of my accident as if it had just happened. It's unnerving to be able to remember the moment/incident that started the chain of memory loss..........the one moment I'd like so much to forget.
What upsets me the most is to know that in a few years these early moments and memories with Xander are going to start getting blurry and some memories may fade away altogether.
Ever since I could write, I've kept a journal. Granted some of the stuff I wrote about at age 10 or so is extremely hilarious and trivial but it's comforting to be able to go back and read the little moments and people I have forgotten about. Reading those journals is how I thought to find some people on Facebook.
My mom has this wonderful habit of putting me on the spot with people. "Tiffany this is blah blah. Remember?" Then I'll turn all shades of red as my mind draws a complete blank on who or what I'm apparently supposed to remember. I also hate having conversations that involve tons of names that sound familiar but no matter how hard I try I can't recall a face. I get so fixated on the names that I forget the person that's talking and mentally beat myself up trying my hardest to remember.
But what really tops it all in the embarrassing frustrations of memory department, is when I'm out in public and I run into someone that knows me but my mind doesn't know them anymore. Nothing is more damaging to the ego then going up to someone that you think should remember you and having them not know at all who you are. So, like the good person I try so hard to be, I nod, give hugs, fake sentiments and pray to God that they don't go too deep and ask something I can't answer. After having this happen to me oh, about a million times no matter where I went, it became easier to just become the person that didn't like to leave the house. I catch a lot of hell for basically becoming a hermit because sadly enough people just don't believe me or they don't understand how seriously depressing it is to be 28 and have the recollection abilities of an 82 year old. This is one reason I'm such an obsessive picture taker. My hopes are that in the years to come, these fleeting moments caught in a picture will help me remember what I may have forgotten.
I can recall everything about the day of my accident as if it had just happened. It's unnerving to be able to remember the moment/incident that started the chain of memory loss..........the one moment I'd like so much to forget.
What upsets me the most is to know that in a few years these early moments and memories with Xander are going to start getting blurry and some memories may fade away altogether.
But for now, I'll cherish the memories I have and create wonderful new ones every day and if the day comes when I can no longer recall my memories, I can smile because in my heart I'll know that they are out there in someone else's mind and thought I can't recall them I hope that it's a memory so amazing that they can't help but smile when they think of it.
Here are a few of my fun old memories:
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